14 Weeks, 5 days - 3-1/2 Months

Summer is slowly coming to it's end and the growing seems to have to just taken off! Here my belly @ 14 weeks; all is well and we are anxiously awaiting the September 8th visit when we find out the babies sex.

14 weeks

Last weekend we drove to our friends house in Lake Arrowhead, it was such a relaxing night with them and such an amazing time on Saturday at the lake! Here are a few pictures from our weekend, Jaden sure had fun with her new friend Sara she met!

Rounding out summer!

I can't believe that we are already into August! I mean where has the last few months literally gone to. My baby girl is going into Kindergarten in a month and I can't believe she is going to be 5! They grow so fast, I literally blinked and she is 5 and I swear the next 13 years will go by just as fast. We took Jaden to Disneyland over 4th of July to surprise her and now we are getting ready to stay at Paradise Point Resort and take her to SeaWorld and surprise her! I love treating her to fun adventures, it is something I always got to do as a kid so we enjoy sharing with her. So I hope this is one summer she never forgets!!!

Mommy is growing too, I took this photo at 11 weeks pregnant; I am trying to keep up on the baby book and have lots of photos since I really didn't do that the first time around.

A lime and growing

11 weeks, 3 days and counting! I had an ultrasound last Monday and the baby was moving, I couldn't believe that so early they move around. It was waving it's arms like it was trying to say hello and the heartbeat looked really good and strong too. It was my favorite moment so far, my 4-1/2 year old got to see the baby as well and it was nice to be able to share that experience with her. She was in awe, it was a very nice experience all together. Other than that latest update, we are still plugging along only about 6 or 7 weeks to go and we will get to find out the SEX of the baby! We are beyond excited for that although everyone has their own predictions it is interesting for sure. Until another update.....

Now we have a peanut

We officially have a peanut! So cute; the heartbeat which we heard again today was 180 bpm. It was so exciting to actually see the baby take form from just the little circle that we saw a couple of weeks ago. It is just so exciting and we feel so blessed that this new tiny miracle has taken place. We "GRADUATED" today which means we no longer see the Fertility Specialist we see our regular OBGYN. It is a very important day in this process you know things are good and they feel confident enough in having them take over. It is a bittersweet goodbye between you and them they have done something so AMAZING and you feel like you don't even know how to repay them and then you are just so happy to continue on this journey with some sort of normalcy to your pregnancy which is what you have wanted from the beginning but you also feel a sense of security with them. So it was hard to leave, I love my doctor at the Fertility office and I would recommend HRC, Dr. Bradford Kolb in Pasadena to anyone who was struggling like we have without any doubt!!!!!!

Morning Sickness has officially made it's way...

So why do they call it morning sickness when it can last all day or start in the afternoon or night time? Any way you look at it, it is nasty and it makes you feel super yucky. Only thing I can say and count my blessings is honestly I have only been super nauseated in the mornings and I usually have to just eat something bland like a bagel which thank goodness it is not those ridiculous saltine crackers because I am SO over those! So super nice and I can only hope it just stays like this :) Only about 4-1/2 more weeks to find out!!! LOL

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY (sorry it is a day late)
Hope everyone had a nice Father's Day weekend!!!!

6w5d - Healthy Blueberry Sized Baby

It is hard to believe all of the bad things are over and we are on to the more exciting things of this journey! We are overjoyed with the news of ONE HEALTHY SIZED BLUEBERRY BABY IN MY BELLY. The baby looked so tiny on the screen but the flicker of the heart was truly amazing to see and hear for the first time. 125 beats per minute which the doctor said was good, next ultrasound appointment is not until July 1st when I will be 8 weeks 6 days. We continue to thank god every day for this additional miracle for our family!

Possibly another fluid tap

Not that I want to have it done but I am getting big again since the last tap was done last Friday. I enjoy being drained but certainly NOT THE PROCESS!

On a good note, I will be 6 weeks tomorrow and my due date is February 4th! I can't even believe this is all happening and I just thank GOD every day for this 2nd miracle he is blessed us with. My HCG level went in one week from 410 to 3,962! I read somewhere that your HCG level doubles every 30.5 hours isn't that so crazy. I still have to take my estrodial, baby aspirin and progesterone which is fine probably until week 12. Those are really easy to take than the shots I had, one of the shots my hubby gave me left a serious bruise on my stomach it STILL is visible because of the baby aspirin. I can't wait for that to go AWAY! Other than that, I am tired and I get up about once or twice to pee every night. No morning sickness yet, which I know with my daughter started around week 6 or 7 so it is right around the corner.

Well...

I don't even know where to begin. I guess I will start with Friday, May 28th; I woke up as if it were any other day and during the week I had noticed that my stomach was increasingly growing larger but I never thought anything of it, I just thought it was normal part of the process. However, it came with some of the most severe pain ever and what it was was fluid around the abdominal wall and was building up from hyper stimulation. So on that Memorial Friday I had to have what they call a "fluid tap" where they take a 14" needle and drain the fluid, the first time this happened there was 2600 cc's of fluid, then came Saturday another horrific day of pain, nausea and hot/cold flashes + more fluid filling up so I had to go back in on Sunday and have another tap done, this time 2400 cc's of fluid was removed. Mind you I am sick, not feeling well, my back ached and I was throwing up while they were removing the fluid which the whole process takes about 1 hour and 1/2 from start to finish. I have been pricked, poked and violated! So by Monday (Memorial Day) I develop a cold, a sinus infection with cough which is really pretty let me tell you and all I have eaten by this point is Chicken Noodle soup and Saltine Crackers! Tuesday, June 1st my third tap and this time 2000 cc's; the amount is obliviously getting less and less and thank goodness because my parts have just about had it. The problem with these fluid taps is that they drain so much fluid that you have to drink so much to replenish it and they make you very tired. So thank goodness by last Friday, I had my fourth fluid tap and only 1500 cc's was removed. I haven't had to go back yet but I am seriously taking it one day at a time and I will ONLY go in if I have too, I am tired of the poking and sticking of needles so I am trying to survive it! I finally left the house for the first time yesterday and today is the first time I have put makeup on since Thursday, May 27th!!!! I have done nothing but sleep on the couch and the bed and I missed 5 days of work because of the back and forth and sickness.

I CAN HONESTLY SAY THE ONLY AMAZING MIRACLE THROUGH THIS ALL IS WE ARE EXPECTING :) YES, THAT IS RIGHT WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!

It was one of the most painful experiences I have had to go through and I am so glad it is behind me and we are just so happy to have moved on from it. And everything seems to be good with the baby, we will see if there is one or multiples on our first ultrasound next Wednesday.

I just have to THANK GOD for this amazing miracle and that we are finally getting the chance to expand our family, and THANK MY AMAZING HUSBAND who took care of me, waited on me hand and foot, cleaned the house, did the laundry, took care of our 4-1/2 year old and was most of all there for me through this entire process! I am truly BLESSED!!!!!

2WW

No one ever really tells you what you will go through and what part is the hardest part and what to expect, hence the blog! I must say this is by far the hardest part here, the WAIT.

When I was on bed rest for three days it was horrible, your mind plays tricks on you and you think negative thoughts and then you cry and then you call everyone in your phone book only to realize they are all working and then everyone wants to call you and text you to see how your doing and nothing has changed other than the fact you are baking your babies :)

Then when you finally can get up and move around and go about your "normal" life with slight accommodations people are so fragile to you and have to say things to mess up your good vibes or the fact that you have completely forgotten about it all together is a blessing until people want to ask you questions! So MISTAKE #1 - Sharing Iinformation, while this for us has been a blessing and such an amazing adventure don't tell TOO many people too much or they will bug you. Not that friends and family are those people but you know what I mean! MISTAKE #2 - Listening to Others, while this is fine and dandy our bodies are different! Just because you have a best friend's cousin who went through this process and is the same age as me and it didn't work for them DOESN'T MEAN it won't work for us! We have a child and gave birth to a healthy baby girl 4-1/2 years ago, we are not even in the SAME GROUP!!! Our problem is getting pregnant and as of now nothing more. MISTAKE #3 - Advice, now I appreciate me some good advice but if you have NEVER ever gone through this process LIPS MUST BE SEALED, PLEASE. This has been again a great experience we have been lucky enough to experience good positive things but don't tell me how to feel or what to think when you are not in the same position as me.

Now having said all of this, you must understand that NOT everyone is this way. In fact most of my friends and family are the complete opposite! They all have been very understanding and AWESOME with the whole process just a few people I have run into and this is all I could do to help those going through it. NOW MORE WAITING!!!!

Embryo Transfer

OK, so from the retrieval they froze 4 and left 5 eggs out to grow for a day 5 transfer. When we arrived last Wednesday we met with the embryologist (did you ever know you could be an embryologist when you were in school; my husband and I honestly didn't even know the job existed) so he came in and said the eggs were not as good and left. OK, my husband and I stared at each other in ahhh like what just happened luckily the doctor came in right after and could tell we were confused and a little taken back. He explained that out of the 5 remaining 2 of them were still growing just A LOT slower then he was anticipating and then 1 more  was growing slower than other 2. So out of the 5 embryo's they decided it would be best to transfer the best 3 embryo's in hopes of at least 1 of them attaching to the endometrial lining. The lining must be at least a 10 and mine was a 14; so the fact that the eggs were not as fast growing shouldn't and hopefully won't be a problem! YEAH some better news right.
So you have to lay on the table and I mean it is a table with a thin pad about 1/2" that makes it look comfy (but it is not really that comfy) and your legs are in stirrups and not the kind you put your heels in the kind you have to put your legs in (so sexy)! We could see on the ultrasound monitor the eggs as they put them in, it was the coolest thing ever watching the eggs one by one fall into your uterus. So the way they fall also I guess somewhat dictates how well they will do and if they fall forward that is a really GREAT sign that the eggs are still good and just needed their natural home (ME) They took a picture of them once they were all put in and gave it to us, it is cool to see the specs on our photo! NOW WE WAIT!!!!!

Egg Retrieval

Well it wasn't as bad as I really thought it would be! I mean I had light to moderate cramping and for the most part I was just really tired. It was really a very easy thing to do and I owe it to my HUBBY and my dearest friend for helping take care of me. They both were SO awesome and just made it very nice for me while I was home resting.

They were able to retrieve 14 eggs which they fertilized 13 and 9 took! YAHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!! I am just in awe some many worked it is just a true blessing everything that is happening to us. My husband has been super supportive and just so amazing. Yesterday he took our daughter to work with him so I could have some quiet time and relax and then I went to get a massage while they were gone. He cleaned the house before I got out of bed and made me dinner it was just an amazing weekend and I felt super pampered. He is my ROCK and I am so blessed he is in my life!!!!!

Yucky Tummy

I would have to say that today is the VERY FIRST day I have not felt myself, other than the few minor crying episodes! I couldn't really breathe and I am just so bloated it is uncomfortable to sit all day. Called my dr and he said DRINK LOTS OF GATORADE, COCONUT WATER OR VITAMIN WATER; any thing with electrolytes in it to help with the over stimulation. I am just so excited tomorrow I will be feeling a bit better from all of this when they take all of the eggs out, I mean not 100% but hopefully not as bloated as I am now. Plus I am looking forward to sleeping on the couch all day watching my dvr shows curled in a ball relaxing! Oh I can't wait to do NOTHING, it is too bad it takes something like this to get to do NOTHING all day :) better late than never! hahahaha

Doctor Appt #4 & counting down

Another wonderful check today with some blood work. We are so darn CLOSE and feeling like the Philsbury Dough boy, only difference is I won't laugh when you poke me in the belly! Mid section is VERY bloated and we are now counting down the days to the end can you believe the end is almost here? It is crazy to think that.

So today the DR wants a few more follicles that are SUPER close to being ready more mature than the are right now so tonight is our last round of the medication and then we are down to one more shot on Wednesday and after that the other medication is oral, YIPPEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Retrieval will be on Friday morning and on Saturday they will call me to tell me how many eggs have fertilized/watching to place back in. The implantation will take place either on Monday or Wednesday of next week! WOW that is just so awesome, I can't hardly put into words how far we have come to this point.

My husband and I had an in depth conversation about how much stronger we have grown together through this. Where we started at last year, where we were as a couple and how much we bumped heads about this whole process, how we lost each other. When I say in-depth it was deep and it really brought tears to my eyes to see the joy, love and compassion that we once knew and had for each other was back. We are more in LOVE than we have ever been and it took this to get us back to that point. We are now ready to share that love with another life and it is so close we can't hardly stand it. A lesson learned for us both, we know marriage is hard work but when you throw infertility into the mix it is even harder and we now know that we need the support of each other to get through something as big as this! I couldn't have done this without him and vise versus, now a blessing is in the works. We now know GOD is going to grant us another blessing or blessings and we are more than ready!!!!

Doctor Appt #3, Second Dose of Cetrotide

OK so I wish someone could have informed me that the Cetrotide medication HURTS LIKE HECK when you inject it!!!!! I have two bruises on my abdomen to prove it and I cried like a baby last night after the second dose. Let me tell you the needle is about 4 or 5" long and almost 1/4" thicker than the needle they have so kindly provided us from the doctor's office for the Follistim and Menapur. I am SO glad that you only have to have 3 doses, 1 per night of the Cetrotide and thank the good man upstairs for giving me a WONDERFUL HUSBAND WHO IS QUICK AND FAST AT INJECTIONS!

I have numbed the area before each injection since Saturday and it really doesn't help that much with the pain of this injection. It is a brutal one for sure...

Anyhow, we had our third doctor's appt on Sunday, yes Mother's Day! Everything looks GREAT, everything is doing what it is supposed to do. We have another doctor's appt tomorrow and then it looks like the egg retrieval will be on Thursday, May 13th! The doctor can't really believe how fast my body is working on this; they said it usually doesn't move as quickly as this so you can imagine we are SO EXCITED!

I did break down and cry yesterday, I was a little emotional all day to say the least, the nurse told me as it gets closer to the egg retrieval I will become more and more emotional. I can hardly wait for that to happen and hopefully it will be something I can turn off when it gets faucet is started.

Doctor Appt #2

Today was our second doctor's appt and it went really amazing! We didn't see the actual doctor today it was the P.A. super nice girl and very easy going to carry conversation with because let me tell you in this type of a situation you want someone who can crack a joke or just be an ear to listen.

It is always so nice to go into the exam room and have to drop your drawers! I love that they give you a napkin to cover up with as you sit and wait for them to come in and do the checking it is usually my favorite part. Can you sense my sarcasm? Well today we got some really GREAT news, my body is responding VERY WELL to the medication and it is only day 5! I have 8 eggs that are size 12-13 cm and 5 that are 8-11 cm; the PA told us that there were so many eggs she was only going to try and measure the bigger ones! It is crazy, but explains the whole bloated look and feeling I am having going on. The PA was completely taken back that there were so many and how big they all were only in such a short period of time. At this rate the egg retrieval should be sometime early next week. We start a third medication tomorrow and unfortunately we can not mix the three together so that means I have to have 2 shots in the belly at a time. Oh boy, that will be so much fun. At least the third medication is only 3 days worth of taking it. This medication will send information to my brain to tell it NOT to ovulate on it's own so they can take them out themselves when they are ready. Isn't it just so fascinating how this whole process works, I think it is one of the most amazing things by far.

As we were leaving we ran into a girl in the elevator who told us she switched to this clinic from Fresno, (just imagine at least a 2 hour drive one way-far away) and has been doing IVF for 4 years; over 22 cycles and she finally today found out she was pregnant! Truly amazing acts of GOD right there, it was such a great start to our weekend. Our next appt is on Mother's Day, at 8:15 a.m. nothing like getting up early :) It will be a GREAT start to our week, I can feel it.

Shot #2 and ready for #3

So I am officially at day 3 of shots and ready for my third one. They have been going pretty smooth, my hubby is super awesome at giving them to me and my 4-1/2 year old thinks it is pretty cool mommy gets shots. In fact she takes her doctor kit out and checks me while I am getting a shot in my tummy. She is so darn sweet that lil' bug of mine!

I am starting to feel some cramping, which I hope translates to the medicine is WORKING! Tried to call DR to see if it was normal but got VM, can't stand VM oh well I am sure they will call me when they have a free minute. My next appt is on Friday and I am so excited to see how things are growing. I can't wait to hear how big the follicles are and hear how much longer I will be on THIS medication!

Other than the fabulous cramps I feel pretty normal, no headaches, no hot flashes, no crazy lady mood swings YET! I would say I am a real peach these days :) I hope it stays like this, it would sure make things a lot easier.

Doctor Appt #1 & First Shot Down

Yesterday was my first doctor's appt, a quick check of the uterus, ovaries and the lining and then it is off to learn how to stick yourself in your stomach! Oh and I can't forget the drawing of the blood which will happen every appointment we go too-yeah

So last night we put all of the medicine away which some of it has to go into the fridge you know the follistim pen next to the eggs looks GREAT! hehehe

Pulled all of the medicine out that we needed and started to measure and mix it into the little vials, my husband of course has to handle this stuff as it makes me so nausea just thinking of having to do it to myself! Thank you lord for the blessing of my strong husband who can handle injecting his wife with medicine :)

So the injection was not as bad as I thought it would be, I don't enjoy it but it wasn't as bad as I anticipated it to be. I was a tiny bit sore at the injection site but really that went away within a couple of mins and I was completely fine after that. I just am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that we are here and this is the spot we are finally doing this! It is amazing, I am so extremely excited for the final outcome this will all be worth it!

PATIENCE

They always say, "patience is a virtue" however, I don't do well with patience. I am a planner, a go-getter someone who plans her daughter's birthday parties almost 5 months in advance (and yes I have the details done) but I don't do well with waiting, how can I wait when I have things I want to plan. I guess this is going to be a really good test for me and a really good situation for me to learn a little bit more patience. I am a mom for crying out loud you would think I would have some of it already.
My new dr has records, FINALLY now I am waiting to see if we are on the same schedule or if our schedule will change slightly due to missing information. Why do they make me wait a whole day, why can't they just call me in the morning to avoid this much emotional baggage we could do without! No BUENO I tell you!! Oh well hopefully by the end of today I know something more regardless if I have to wait a few more weeks to start this, I have waited since last August for the funds what is another few weeks, right? That is another thing why does this cost so much darn money! Who does it really go to, thank you god for providing us with our new dr; he is our miracle during this journey.

A change in directions

This may sound crazy and kind of weird, but we switched doctors. That is right we switched doctors, when I called my dr last Thursday, I had this strange feeling come over me, I couldn't quiet put it into words or describe the emotions but it wasn't right. I felt sick and sweaty, well I heard an advertisment on the radio and I called it, I am now officially a new patient of a new dr office. He has so much more compassion, bedside manner is incredible, promised if try #1 one went astray try #2 could be done at any stage in the game, cheaper (I know not always better but in this case YES) and free meds. It was like a sign from god, I tell you it is something that can't be explained but the feelings of emotions and sickness is gone. I am relaxed, calm and ready for this journey. BEST NEWS is we don't have to stop, we keep going same schedule same rountine moving forward. A true blessing we were brought in front of this new dr and we couldn't be happier with our decision! I wish someone would have told me how emotional this entire journey from start to finish would be on you. I can tell already with bc it is going to be a bumpy ride!

And so it begins

Today, my period has started; I made my first of many calls to the doctor. I am waiting for the call to be returned so I can get my "calendar" this is an awesome thing the nurses make up for you that shows when you actually have to start injecting yourself and when you go in to have the eggs retrieved and put back in! For the first couple of weeks they make you go on birth control, ummm I thought we were trying to get pregnant again not avoid it! I guess when you are going through this the b/c helps your uterus make a nice comfy home for your eggs. Nice eh?

Well this has been long awaited;  9 months to be exact to finally get to this point and we are HERE! I can't even believe it, I am so ready to cry and we haven't even started the process. I guess when you want something so badly and you finally are given another opportunity for it to happen it is a miracle in itself. A true blessing. I know that God has guided us to this point and he will continue to guide us through this journey.


Wish us luck and pray for us!

"God's blessings come in packages both large and small. Sometimes they are expected and sometimes not" - Unknown

Finally some good news....

During this whole process no one ever tells you what the men have to go through let alone us! My husband has been a real trooper and so amazing; a huge supporter. He had his appointment last Thursday and we will start our entire process sometime this week. His results came back at 4:57 on Friday. Nothing like waiting until the last minute and let me just tell you how awesome it was to hear all is well for my husband's end. It made our weekend!!!!! It is just such a relief to hear his results are perfect and it just sets the tone really for what we are about to embark on. Can't wait to share the rest of the journey...

A little bit about us...

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. We have a very energetic 4-1/2 year old who is getting so big with every day that passes. I work full time and run a part time business which I am sure most have heard of Bitty Bloomin' Bowtique (http://www.bittybloominbowtique.com/) My husband also works full time or more like ALL THE TIME, his hours are crazy and he works hard. 


It just amazes me that almost 5 years ago she was born a true miracle! I was induced and during the induction while given my epidural they turned my heartbeat monitor off. Jaden was not breathing when she was born. They had to hook up a breathing machine to her; it was the most horrifying experience I have ever gone through in my life. She truly is our miracle; gift from God if you will. My husband and I have been trying since Jaden was 2 for baby #2; with no luck and testing after testing, needle prick after needle prick we have to go through IVF (invitro) in order to have any more babies. If anyone who reads this blog has not had any trouble or history with infertility it truly is such a heart wrenching exprience. You are torn, you are battered, your emotions ride a roller coaster of feeling sad, happy, angry, mad and hopeless. We are blessed and we know that the gift we received from GOD is a great one. However, we would like to have a bigger family so after a few months of trying to figure out who we were as individuals and parents we have made the decision to go through with the IVF. And for some the feeling of wanting more and it not working is such a hard pill to swallow; especially when you don't know why or how this has happened to you.


So here we are....ready to start and just days from this all taking place. I am nervous, scared and anxious. I worry with the cost of this all, if the end result will be what we have wanted for so long, I worry about what it will be like, I worry of losing a baby in between the process. It is going to be grueling but my AMAZING husband who has been their since the beginning and has been awesome so I have not doubts he will be such a huge help with this entire process. So since it feels so much better to talk about these things and more and more I am finding people who are in the same position I am in or are just facing infertility for the first time, I thought I would try my best to document my journey! I have looked for so many places for people to say what it was like or how they overcame the journey and couldn't find exactly what I wanted. I hope you enjoy the ride...

Our lil' princess Jaden 2010